3 Straight by the Rules Read online

  “I don’t know. One minute, I had this horrible headache, and I swore my brain was going to explode. But all of a sudden…” He stopped speakinge.

  “All of a sudden…what?”

  “I prayed for help.” He blinked, dazed. “I wasn’t sure it would work because I’ve been praying a lot lately, and it hasn’t seemed to do much good. But I guess God was listening tonight.”

  Harmony, too, had made it sound like getting prayers answered was a grueling process, but if anyone had the ability to cut through Heaven’s red tape, it was Tommy. “And now? How do you feel?”

  He frowned, concentrating. Slowly, a smile spread over his face. “I think I’m free.” His face lit up. “Yes! I actually think I’m free. It might only be wishful thinking, but – kiss me.”

  “What? No!”

  “Please?”

  I gave him a peck on the cheek. His lopsided grin didn’t dim. “Nothing! Nothing at all.”

  I kissed him again, this time on the lips. I even slid my arm around his neck. If my life had been a book, my stepsister would have walked in at this moment and found the two of us making out on the bed.

  Thankfully, my life is not a book.

  Tommy broke off the kiss. “Nothing! I’m free.” He laughed like a loon and pumped both his fists over his head in a sign of victory. “I’m free!”

  It hurt to see how happy he was. Without our special bond, I now had a Tommy-sized hole in my brain. But when he asked me how I felt, I said, “Better than I have in a really long time.” Which was mostly true.

  He stood up and did a kind of victory jiggle, like the ones quarterbacks make after scoring a touchdown. Then he stopped. “Jasmine. What if she doesn’t take me back?” He got on his knees in front of me. His gray eyes begged me. “Please, Lil! Tell her the truth. If you convince her what you are, maybe she’ll believe you and forgive me.”

  I’d been sure the truth was better than a lie, but now I didn’t know. If I confessed my new life to Jasmine what would happen? And if she did believe me, how would she react? On the other hand, lying had done nothing but hurt my family. Because of my lies, my dad thought I was crazy, and my sister believed that Tommy was in love with me.

  I would have smoothed Tommy’s hair if he’d had any. Instead, I settled for brushing my hand across his forehead. “Okay.”

  “Really?” Hope lit up his eyes. “You promise?”

  I nodded. Explaining all of this to Jasmine would not be easy, but I had to try. Once and for all, I had to make sure the earrings I’d stolen were returned to their rightful owner.

  Chapter Twenty

  The next morning, I called my dad’s house. When Evelyn picked up, I asked for Jasmine.

  “She’s in the shower right now.” Evelyn lowered her voice. “You girls have been fighting again, haven’t you?”

  “Kind of.”

  “Does it involve Tommy?”

  “Yes,” I admitted. “But don’t worry, I’m going to settle things once and for all.” Evelyn remained quiet, waiting for details. As much as I wanted to explain, however, I couldn’t. I was still preparing my confession. Instead, I asked, “How’s Jas doing?”

  Evelyn sighed. “She stays in her room most of the time, and when she does come out, she’s very quiet.”

  Quiet was bad. Really, really bad. Normally, when Jas is heartbroken, she’s loud and melodramatic so that the entire world suffers with her.

  “What’s that expression you use when Simon is being pensive?” Evelyn asked.

  “I say he’s wearing his warrior face.”

  “That’s right. Well, Jasmine has put on her warrior’s face.”

  I wasn’t sure which was worse: the warrior’s face or being run over by Hell’s party bus. “How’s Dad doing?” I asked. “Is he still wearing his warrior’s face?”

  “Ever since the two of you went out to dinner, he’s been better,” Evelyn said. “But he’s still worried about something.”

  That something was most likely me. As I said good-bye and hung up the phone, I realized I couldn’t just tell Jasmine about my inner demon. If I really wanted to make things right with my family, I needed to explain my situation to my dad and Evelyn as well.

  The otherworld shimmered and a moment later, Delilah walked into my kitchen. She carried several rolls of blueprints and smiled hugely. “You might as well thank me right now.”

  Her excitement was infectious, and I grinned back. “Thank you. So what gives?”

  She hurried over to me, bracelets jangling. “You know those thirty-five clients you’ve got left on your list?”

  “How could I forget?”

  “Guess who found a way to tempt them all at once?”

  “You’re kidding me!” When she continued to grin, I yipped with joy and hugged her. “How did you manage it?”

  “Honestly, it was a miracle.” She spread the blueprints on my kitchen table. “I knew all those people work for the same company, but this morning, there was a note on my desk telling me all thirty-five would be attending a seminar today.”

  In my experience, miracles were never performed in Hell, so I asked to see the note. Immediately, I recognized Patrick’s precise penmanship. Below the message about the seminar was a brief note: “Harmony told me that you needed some help.” I smiled. Okay, maybe miracles in Hell were possible if they were performed by a fallen angel.

  Although tempting nearly three dozen people at once intimidated me, I had a wonderful, anticipatory feeling knowing I’d walk away from the job as a free woman.

  Delilah rubbed her chin. “The question now is, what’s the best way to tempt all those people?”

  As we studied the blueprints, a few commonalities emerged. All thirty-five clients were married men with children, and they all shared the same set of vices: overachieving workaholics who were driven to succeed. It didn’t surprise me to learn that their family lives sucked. All were distant father figures and unsupportive husbands.

  “I have to make them do something they don’t want to do, right?”

  Delilah nodded.

  I bit my lip, thinking. Maybe I could persuade them to give money to charity. Although, that wasn’t much of a challenge since most people will willingly toss their pocket change into a collection basket. No, I needed something they really didn’t want to do.

  Delilah rubbed her eyes and wearily sank into a chair. “You got any coffee?”

  As I fetched a mug from the cupboard, she sat at the table and flipped through a Naughty Nancy catalog. I kept throwing those things away, yet Corrine kept leaving them around my apartment.

  “This is the nastiest stuff I’ve ever seen,” Delilah said. “Fur-lined handcuffs? Is this a succubus catalog?”

  I laughed. “No. It’s home party stuff that my neighbor sells. It’s trashy, I know.”

  “Well, this is kinda nice.” Delilah held up the Sweetheart Collection insert and pointed to a hot stones spa gift set. “Have you ever had one of these types of massages?”

  I nodded. To the uninitiated, having warm, basalt stones put on your back might not seem like a big deal, but believe me, it’s heavenly. In fact, it’s one of my favorite ways to relax.

  “My husband used to get me all kinds of fancy lingerie for my birthday.” She snorted. “Like that was any kind of treat for me.”

  On Valentine’s Day, Ted used to lay in bed wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of boxers with red hearts on them. Then he’d say that he had an enormous present for me to unwrap. The memory still made me roll my eyes. “Real women want couples massages and candlelit dinners,” I said.

  “You got that right.” She tossed the catalog aside, disgusted. “Who am I kidding? I don’t need a spa in my office; I need to get to get out of Hell.” She drained her coffee and stood. “I better finish some of those reports before the old lady throws a fit.”

  “I can’t help get you into Heaven, but after this job is finished, I’m treating the two of us to a spa day,” I told her.

  D
elilah put her hands to the small of her back and arched her spine. Her vertebrae cracked loudly. “Sounds good to me.”

  I picked up the catalog insert. Delilah was right; some of the Sweetheart Collection items weren’t too bad. If Ted had spent as much time romancing me as he did building his orthodontics practice, we might still be married. Then again, considering the naked model/actress I’d found in my bathtub, maybe not.

  I was about to throw the catalog in the trash when I had an epiphany. Immediately, I chased down Delilah. “I know what I can do!” When I told her, her face lit up in a smile so wide it could have lit the darkest room in Hell.

  “That’s perfect,” she said. “Perfect! You’re a genius!”

  “We make a great team,” I told her as we fist bumped.

  I’d been wrong before. There was synergy in Hell.

  Corrine picked the phone up on the first ring.

  “I changed my mind about hosting a party,” I said.

  For a moment, she didn’t reply. Then, carefully, she said, “Really?”

  “Really. But I want you to only bring the Sweetheart Collection inserts, got it?”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll see. And, trust me, you’ll be making some major sales, so have plenty of order forms on hand.”

  “If you say so,” she said doubtfully.

  I hung up and smiled to myself. It was time to stop being a succubus and start being a cupid.

  According to Delilah’s notes, the training seminar was being held in a meeting room on the first floor of the company’s office building. It was an all-day event complete with a catered lunch. I decided I would hijack the podium at noon, give my speech, and let Corrine take things from there.

  The setup went smoothly. Evelyn agreed to pick up Ariel from basketball camp and keep her occupied for a few hours. Corrine promised to text me when she’d arrived at the event. And I put on a demure, gray dress and sensible heels before heading into the otherworld.

  As I strode down Hell’s hallways, I rehearsed my speech. If I wanted to touch all thirty-five hearts, I’d need a powerful presentation. Also, I should work the room afterwards. If I spent a few minutes with each man in order to remind him how special his wife and children were, that should guarantee…

  I paused. Where was I? My tired legs told me that I’d been walking for quite a while. Normally, it only took a few minutes to reach the proper doorway. I should have found it by now.

  My demon insisted I keep moving. I started to obey, but then stopped, suspicious. The hallway I stood in was a mirror image of every other hallway in Hell. It was impossible to pinpoint my location. “Where are we going?” I asked.

  My succubus smiled evilly, and I realized I’d been tricked. I could see flashes of her psyche. She was outraged by my good deeds. She hated me for forcing her to give up Tommy. She was also sickened by the fact that I truly loved Grace, Ariel, Jasmine, and my dad. She’d had enough of me and wanted to teach me a lesson.

  My mouth went dry, and my heart sped up. I was lost in the middle of Hell. Without my demon’s sense of direction, I’d never find my way home. I started to retrace my steps, but that was pointless. The place was a maze.

  Immediately, I opened my mouth to shout for William or Delilah, but my succubus snapped my jaws shut and held them so tightly it was like they’d been cemented together.

  I cursed her, and she laughed at me. Furious, I opened the closest doorway and found myself standing beneath a freeway overpass. There was no telling what city it was. I tried another door, but this one opened up on a desert landscape. Door number three led to a swamp. My succubus grinned evilly. She could play this game all day.

  Although time in Hell passed strangely, I could feel the minutes on Earth tick by. If I didn’t get to the meeting soon, my opportunity would be lost. The seminar would end, my clients would disperse, and I’d have to return to tempting them one by one. “What are you trying to do, piss off Helen?” I demanded of my succubus. “Because if we don’t finish this job soon, you know she’s going to be furious.”

  My succubus shrugged.

  “You might not care, but I do! In fact, if you don’t get me to that seminar, I’ll rat you out to Helen!” I gave her a mental glare. “I’m not taking the blame for something you did. Got it?”

  I held my breath as my succubus mulled this over. She hated making Helen angry as much as I did.

  To my relief, my inner demon finally agreed. In fact, she seemed downright cheerful as she led me to the proper doorway.

  I walked into a bland meeting room. Corrine stood at the podium addressing a hostile crowd of men who glared at her while they ate their salads.

  Corrine, sweat beaded on her forehead, stumbled through her sales talk. “Uh, the Naughty Nancy company, uh, has a new line of, uh…”

  Seeing me, Corrine, glared. She put her hand over the microphone. “Where the hell were you?” she demanded.

  “Exactly,” I said.

  Throwing my succubus into overdrive, I approached the podium and sent out a smile so brilliant that every man in the room stopped eating to watch me. “Gentleman, I want you to take out pictures of your wives.”

  Hypnotized by my demon’s power, they immediately complied. Some removed photos from their wallets while others brought up pictures on their phones.

  “Now, remind yourselves of your wedding day. Picture your wife as she was coming down the aisle.” To my delight, there were smiles around every table.

  To my relief, my succubus played along, boosting her irresistible allure and making sure that her power reached out to every corner of the room. Even Corrine looked glassy-eyed.

  “Think back,” I said. “When’s the last time the woman in your life made you happy?” I took the microphone from the holder and wandered among the tables, all the better to throw around the Devil’s shine. I stopped next to an middle-aged man with a hawkish nose who smiled at the picture he held. “What are you thinking of?” I asked.

  “Katie gives me a backrub every day when I come home from work,” he said. “No matter how late I come in.”

  I patted his shoulder and moved on. “What about you?” I asked a young man with a wedding ring so shiny it looked like he’d been married the day before.

  “Every time I see Laura, I smile,” he said.

  All the men were so happy that the room seemed enveloped in a nice, soft glow. “Now, when’s the last time you made your spouse smile?” I asked.

  Immediately, the glow faded. Most of the men looked away from their photos. Many shifted uncomfortably in their seats. This came as no surprise. After reading their charts, I knew they all suffered from the same, major vice: they took their families for granted.

  “Men, it’s time to show the women in your lives how much you appreciate them,” I said. “I want you to do something nice for them today by giving them the best gift you can: your time.”

  At this suggestion, emotions tightened. I was met with a wall of resistance. Even if they knew it was the right thing to do, these type-A personalities did not want to leave the office. I could tell by their frowns and headshakes that I was losing them. They were thinking of their promotions and bonuses, of their responsibilities at the job.

  Luckily, my succubus was still onboard. She sent out more glamour than I’d ever seen her use before. At the surge of otherworldly shine, the men’s hearts began to melt once more. Their eyes drifted back to the pictures of their wives. My succubus jumped up and down with glee. Now! This is the moment to get them!

  I agreed. “Show your appreciation by going home and cleaning the house for them. Cook them dinner. Give them foot rubs. Run errands so that your wife has time to soak in a bubble bath.”

  I made my way to the front of the room. “You can also show your appreciation by buying your wife something for her. Something that tells her you understand how hard she works, and how she needs to pamper herself.” I handed the microphone to Corrine.

  All of Corrine’s previous awkwardness
disappeared as she began her spiel. “I would like to introduce you to the softer side of Naughty Nancy products for couples. Introducing the Sweetheart collection…”

  I was glad that not every man bought a gift for his wife. After all, a present can be a pitiful substitute for a genuine act of love. A few men called their spouses and made dinner plans for the evening while others headed straight for the door, hopefully to perform some selfless act for their wives. But there was a huge line of customers at Corrine’s table. My temptation – to make these men put their wives ahead of their careers – seemed to be paying off. I smiled to myself at a job well done, and then slipped into the otherworld, ready to return home.

  The moment I set foot in Hell, however, my succubus turned on me. Now that we were back on her turf, she was once again stronger than I. In a frenzy of hate, she hijacked my body, forcing my legs to carry me forward. I struggled, but it was no use. Her outrage gave her enough power to remain in control.

  My limbs moved woodenly, like my body was a stiff-jointed marionette in the hands of a madwoman. When my succubus yanked me into Helen’s office and threw me on the floor in front of my overlord’s desk, I realized she had turned the tables on me. The only reason she’d helped me complete my final good deed was to get me in trouble. Now, I was the one about to be fried.

  Helen had already descended into demon mode. A pair of horns poked from the top of her gray curls, and her skin was leathery. “I know what you’ve been up to!” She threw a handful of files at me. I flinched while my succubus chortled. Delilah had finished her backlog, and Helen had finally discovered what I’d been up to, just as my she-demon had planned.

  I forced my eyes to meet Helen’s steely glare. My insides trembled, and I swallowed back the sick rising up from my stomach. “I finished tempting all the people from the party.”

  “But you tempted them to do GOOD!”

  Since I was eyelevel with the floor, I watched her feet turn into hooves. Giddy with terror, I wrapped my arms over my head.

  Something light and feathery rained down on me. Opening one eye, I saw I was buried in white rose petals. To my horror, the pristine petals grew bloody at the edges as red seeped into the pure white. My inner demon rubbed her hands together gleefully, thrilled to see me punished.