1 Straight to Hell Read online

  In the back seat, Grace rolled down her window and read the screen. “What’s influent funds?”

  “It’s ‘insufficient’, Stupid, and it means she’s broke,” Ariel said.

  “I’m not broke,” I said firmly, but inside I was scrambling to remember when I’d last balanced my account.

  “But I need something to eat,” Grace said.

  Stepping on the gas harder than necessary, I pulled out of the bank’s parking lot. “Don’t worry,” I told her.

  Thank God for ashtrays. The one in my car had collected enough spare change to pay for a bagel for each girl. Dinner, of course, would be another challenge, but I refused to think about that now.

  I don’t often sub for first grade teachers, and whenever I do, I swear that it will never happen again. To be sure, the kids are very cute. For the first ten minutes. But from then on, it’s like herding cats. Mrs. Miller’s class was no exception. In fact, it was a little worse than usual which is why I suspected she decided to take maternity leave early. Five months early.

  But then my buddy from down the street came into the room, dragging his enormous backpack behind him. He wore an expression of such weariness that he looked like a little, old man. But when he saw me, his face lit up like a Christmas tree and he shed sixty years. “Hey! Are you my teacher?”

  “I am. You’re DuShawn, right?”

  He nodded. “Right.” He glanced around the room, making sure no one was listening in on our conversation. “You see any more demons lately?”

  “No.” I crouched down next to him. “What about you?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe.”

  I had an idea. “Do you think you could draw a picture of that demon for me? You know, so I could see what it looks like?”

  His worried expression returned. “It’s pretty scary. I try not to think about it during the day.”

  “I know, but I really would like to see it.” I still wasn’t sure if DuShawn’s monster was real, or if he was making it up. But if it was real, then I wanted to do something about it. Knowing what it looked like would be a big help.

  He looked dubious. “Well, okay. But it’s pretty big, too.”

  “Then use two pieces of paper,” I suggested. He bit his lower lip as he thought, then agreed and went off to draw his monster.

  That morning, the kids practiced writing the alphabet. Then I read them a story, and as I read, I watched one of the girls sneak a long booger from her nose and show it to the boy sitting next to her who promptly ate it. Elementary school is all about extremes, you see. One minute it’s a snooze fest, the next it’s Cirque du Snotty.

  At least I had a capable paraprofessional to help me out. Kate Poppinjay was older than me by about a dozen years and heavier than me by about fifty pounds, and she wore a hideous sweater embellished with snowmen that all the kids seemed to need to touch. She was great at crowd control, and let me lead the class activities without butting in. By ten o’clock, I considered her my best friend.

  Before the class left to go to the library, Kate beckoned me to the back of the classroom to where DuShawn still drew his picture. “DuShawn, why don’t you show Ms. Straight what you’re drawing.”

  DuShawn’s picture spanned four papers which had been taped together to form a large square. The fearsome creature filled most of the paper. Its hooked hands ended in pointed talons, and its distorted face had disturbingly human features: a piggish nose, sneering mouth, wide-set, heavy-lidded eyes. The monster dominated so much of the page that I almost missed the tiny drawing of a little boy in a bed down in the far right-hand corner. But while the monster had been drawn with great care, the child cowering in the bed had no face.

  “That’s me,” DuShawn said, pointing. “And that’s the devil that comes in my room every night.”

  “Is this something you dream?” Kate asked him. But I knew it wasn’t. As detailed as he’d drawn it, I knew that this thing was real.

  He vehemently shook his head. “Sometimes, it pulls the covers off my bed so I can’t hide from it. Once, it poked the bottom of my feet with its nails.” A tear fell from his eye onto the picture and, furious, he wiped it away. “I hate that thing,” he whispered. “I want to kill it.”

  I had to struggle to keep my voice neutral. “Wow. That’s some picture. But why don’t you have a face?” Next to me, Kate tensed. I actually wanted to hold her hand.

  DuShawn looked away and mumbled, “Because the demon tells me if I scream, he’ll eat my guts. And so I wish I didn’t have a mouth, so I wouldn’t want to scream.”

  Ten minutes later, when DuShawn had joined the other kids in the library, Kate and I were crying in the faculty bathroom. “My God,” she finally said. “That poor kid. He’s been falling asleep in class, you know.”

  I wiped my eyes with a bit of toilet paper. I would find that demon, and once I did, I’d become its worst nightmare.

  At lunch, I offered to do playground duty. It’s not that I have a love of standing in the icy air watching children try to push each other into the snow, but I wanted to spy on Ariel and make sure that the fight club thing was really over.

  Grace found me right away and ran up to hug me before running off again with her friends. But as hard as I searched, I could not find my niece. I wandered through groups of kids, ordering them to zip up their coats and put on their hats, all the while keeping a look out. Rounding the first set of swings, I finally spotted Ari near a row of bushes that stood between the playground and the backyards of the neighboring houses. But before I could reach her, she cast a furtive look in each direction, then pushed her way into the hedge.

  I ran over. Behind the bushes was a very narrow gap in the chain-link fence, and Ari had managed to squeeze through it. I could spot the back of her coat as she crossed the yard and then disappeared behind the house. Damn!

  Since there were five other adults on playground duty, I didn’t feel guilty leaving my post. Knowing that it would be far too slow to go around the fence and try to catch up with her, I ran to the parking lot and got into my car.

  It didn’t surprise me that her absence had gone unnoticed. After all, Ari had been practicing stealth since she was a baby. For her, it was a matter of survival. But as I turned out of the parking lot and into the street, I swore in frustration. I would have thought that someone was keeping an eye on her.

  I finally had her in my sights and was tailing her from a half a block away when Mr. Clerk appeared in my passenger seat. “Miss Spry has another task for you,” he said.

  “When?” Ahead of me, Ariel turned a corner and went left. All at once, another car, an old, blue wreck with a sheet of plastic taped up where the back window should have been, turned down that street as well, cutting off my view.

  “Now, of course.”

  I ground my teeth. Of course it had to be now. “I can’t right this minute.”

  I sped up and turned down the same street Ariel had. The car that had made the turn first was now parallel to her. And to my horror, it had slowed down in order to keep pace. A man with white hair leaned out of the driver’s-side window to talk to her.

  White hair. Like the voodoo doll’s.

  Mr. Clerk tapped his wristwatch. “Let’s go, Lilith.”

  “I can’t.” I pulled alongside the curb and threw the car into park. My eyes were fixed on the man ahead of me. I didn’t know what he was saying, but from the way Ariel’s head hunched down between her shoulders, I knew it wasn’t good. I struggled to open the door and call Ari’s name at the same time, but Mr. Clerk jerked me back into my seat by grabbing the sleeve of my coat.

  “Miss Spry made it very clear that you are to come immediately. No excuses.”

  I was certain the old hag had picked this very moment on purpose just to test my loyalty, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to leave my niece alone with that predator. “Tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can. This won’t take long.”

  Mr. Clerk refused to let go. And, unfortunately, my demon was kickin
g up a fuss as well. She’d learned some new tricks since we last battled in the restaurant, and her control was much stronger than before. When I tried to open the car door, she flung my hand to the side. I reached for the horn, but she shoved me sideways so that I ended up falling into Mr. Clerk’s lap. I did my best to wrestle her down and make her obey me, but it was like trying to control a headstrong mastiff.

  Now, Ari was nearly a full block away from me, and still the other car kept pace. I was terrified that, at any moment, the man would reach out and pull her in with him. Then it would be all over.

  “Let me go!” Finally, I managed to open the door and tumble out onto the sidewalk. “Ari! Ariel!”

  Ari turned around, saw me, and began running. In the opposite direction. The man in the car up ahead also heard me and took off, his exhaust belching black smoke as he sped away. When the smoke cleared, Ariel was nowhere to be seen.

  “I’ve got to find my niece,” I said, getting back into the car. “Tell Miss Spry that I will be there as soon as I can.”

  Mr. Clerk looked at his watch. “I’ll tell her, but it’s already too late. The time for your assignment has already passed.”

  I could almost hear the hanging judge’s gavel fall. “I was right, wasn’t I? This was a test. That’s why you didn’t give me an advanced warning.”

  “I’m sorry, Lilith. I really am. I’ll do what I can to try and pacify her, but I don’t think it will work. She’s far too angry.”

  My stomach twisted. “What will she do to me?”

  “I’m not sure. But whatever it is, it won’t be pleasant.” He gave me a final, sorrowful look before disappearing.

  I returned to school as the final bell was ringing. To my relief, Ariel stood in line with the other fifth-graders. She saw me, too, but pretended that she didn’t.

  I would have dragged her home right then, but my own class was assembling down the hall, waiting for me to escort them into the classroom. So instead, I walked over to Ari, forked two fingers at my eyes, then jabbed them back at her. I’m watching you, I mouthed.

  “Oooh, you’re in trouble,” said a girl next to Ari.

  Ariel folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t care.” But she looked ready to cry.

  The afternoon passed excruciatingly slow. Every sudden noise (and there are a lot of sudden noises in a first-grade classroom), made me jump. I kept expecting Miss Spry to leap out from under my desk or behind the closet door. My t-shirt was soaked with sweat.

  “You don’t look so good,” Kate told me. “You want to go home?”

  “No,” I said. “I’m fine.” I wanted to stay at school not only because if I went home, I knew I’d do nothing but worry, but also because I was closer to the girls this way in case Miss Spry decided to go after them.

  By the end of the day, I was exhausted. I was also confused. Nothing had happened. I couldn’t imagine that Miss Spry had let me off the hook, but over three hours had passed, and I hadn’t been dragged to Hell or gotten a message that one of the girls had been hurt. Maybe Mr. Clerk had been able to pacify her after all.

  When the final bell rang, and I was packing up to leave, DuShawn tugged on my slacks. “Ms. Straight?” The classroom had emptied, and we were alone. “You believe me, right? About that devil?”

  “Yes.” I smiled at him. I even had a plan on how to deal with it. If I could find an otherworld door that opened into DuShawn’s bedroom, I could come in at night, grab the demon out of the closet, and toss him back into Hell. On second thought, since the monster was so large, I’d ask William to provide backup. I wondered if that would count as a date.

  “Can you make it go away?”

  “I’ll certainly try.”

  “When?”

  “As soon as possible,” I promised.

  The shadow that had been haunting his face all day suddenly went away, and he hugged me.

  As I watched him leave the room, I felt a little bit better. Maybe having my own personal demon wasn’t such a bad thing after all. I looked inside myself to see how she was responding to the prospect of taking out another demon.

  That’s when it hit me. My succubus was gone.

  I did another mental check, rooting around in my conscious to try and find her. The few times before when the succubus had been off sulking or even passively relaxing, I could still feel her presence. But right now, my head was half as crowded as it had been over the past few weeks. Only Lilith Straight was inside of me now. No one else. The demon had completely vanished.

  I sat on the edge of my desk, stunned. So this was it? Miss Spry was admitting defeat and allowing me to regain my normal, human existence? I didn’t believe it. Yet, as I once more scoured my mind for a hint of the demon, I realized it was true. I pressed my hand against my heart. Yes, it was still beating. I was not only plain, old Lilith once more, I was still alive. Unbelievable.

  By the time I’d photocopied thirty-three spelling and reading packets for the following week, organized an experiment for Monday’s science lesson, made two phone calls to parents, tracked down Grace’s missing boot, and forced Ari to go back to her classroom to get her math book, the school had completely emptied and it had begun to snow again. Back in November, I would have admired such enormous, fluffy flakes but now, in March, I loathed them. After all, spring break was only a few weeks away, and there was nothing even remotely spring-like about the predicted six inches of snow.

  Getting into my car, I found that it wouldn’t start. When I turned the key, nothing happened. There wasn’t so much as a grinding noise or even a click.

  “Your battery’s dead,” Ariel said, with annoying matter-of-factness. “You need a jump.”

  She was probably right, but ours was the only car in the lot. I speed-dialed the auto club, but hung up when I remembered that I’d canceled my service a month ago in order to save money. Then I called a wrecker, but when it finally arrived, the driver ran my credit card and returned a moment later to tell me that it had been canceled. As had the other four in my wallet.

  “I get paid next week,” I said when he turned away. I was now holding so many credit cards that several had slipped out of my hands and were lying in the snow. “Wait! Please, hold on a second.” But as much as I pleaded, the bastard kept walking away.

  Maybe I’d been wrong about my demon, I thought frantically. Maybe she wasn’t gone but just hibernating or something. Or maybe I was so used to her company that I could no longer tell where I ended and she began. After all, I couldn’t imagine that Miss Spry would let me off the hook so easily.

  I took a chance that the demon was still there, and when the driver got into his truck, I got into the passenger’s seat. He looked over, dumbfounded. “Look, Lady, I told you, if you don’t have the money, I’m not…”

  The truck had a bench seat, and I slid closer to him and gave him my best vampish smile. “I need a favor right now,” I told him. “A small one, and if you help me out, then I can help you out, too.” I put my hand on his knee.

  His eyes widened, and he leapt backward as if I’d drawn a knife. Then he got angry. Very angry. “Hey, I told you I wasn’t giving you a lift unless you could pay, and I meant with cash.” He jabbed a finger at the review mirror from which a small, plastic cross dangled. “I’m a good Christian man with a wife and family, and I don’t go for that kind of shit.”

  My cheeks glowing like neon, I crept from the truck, flinching when he gunned the engine and sped out of the parking lot.

  I collected my fallen credit cards and returned to my car. At least no one in the school had seen me. But when I turned around, I realized that I had an audience after all. Grace and Ari had their faces pressed up against the steamy windows of my defunct car.

  Both girls remained silent when I climbed in. But, after a moment of me stifling my sniffles in a used tissue, Ari said, “You should have gotten the money from him first, Auntie Lil.” Looking at her serious face in the rearview mirror, I could tell she was imparting one of the great tru
ths of her childhood. “Get the money first then give him the goodies. That’s what my mom always says anyway.”

  I’m so glad that Tanya taught you the finer points of being a whore, I thought, and dialed my sister.

  Even though the school is less than five miles from the house, it still took Jasmine nearly thirty minutes to come get us. She was wearing pajamas and looked cranky. “I need money for gas,” she said. “I’m on E. Oh, and by the way, the management office called and said your rent check bounced.”

  “Just drive,” I told her, pressing my cheek to the cold window.

  Back home, Ari sidled up to me. “I would never have gotten into that guy’s car, Aunt Lil. No matter how much he bugged me, I never would.”

  I hate to admit it, but I’d forgotten all about the incident with Ariel at lunch. I’d been furious before, but now I was only exhausted and really, really worried. “What were you doing leaving the playground like that?”

  “I needed some space. Walking around by myself helps me think.”

  “And how long has that man been bothering you?”

  She shrugged. “A while. I tried walking somewhere different, but he keeps finding me.”

  I closed my eyes and tried not to picture my niece being followed by a predator. “You should have told me. Or a teacher. Or someone!”

  “But then you’d make me stop going for walks. Besides,” she tilted her chin up, her eyes defiant, “he doesn’t own the road. I can be there if I want to.”

  I knotted my hands into fists. I’d use my demon to make him regret what he’d done to my niece. But then I deflated. No, I wouldn’t. My demon was history. And, come to think of it, DuShawn was on his own now, too.

  I sent Ari up to her room before she could see me cry.

  After begging Jasmine to spring for a pizza for dinner, I sent the girls off to do their homework and resigned myself to attacking the piles of mail on the kitchen table. I threw away the catalogs and ads, and sorted the rest. The pile of bills quickly became two piles of bills and then three. In the other pile was only a magazine for Jas and an early birthday card for Grace from a great-aunt.