1 Straight to Hell Read online

  And this is how I finally realized that I was in way over my head. It wasn’t the three piles of bills. It wasn’t even my empty fridge or the fact that my car was doomed to stay in the school parking lot for the foreseeable future. No, it was that I opened Grace’s birthday card knowing that Great-Aunt Celia had put a ten dollar bill inside, and that I could use that ten dollars to buy bread and milk and bologna for the girls.

  The moment I had that ten dollars in my hand, however, I began to cry. This is what I’d become: a thief who stole from children.

  Sickened, I put the ten dollars back into the card. I’d give it to Grace and tell her that I’d opened her card by mistake. The heart-breaking thing was that she’d believe me.

  So now what to do? The obvious answer was get a better-paying job, but even if I picked up one in the next twenty minutes, I’d have to wait at least two weeks before I got paid. And Ariel’s ER bill would probably eat up all my wages for the next three months. I’d already gone to Ted for an advance on my child support, and my father, unbeknownst to his wife, had loaned me several thousand dollars to cover the cost of my mother’s funeral.

  Don’t be such a baby, I told myself sternly. You have your life back, and you beat Miss Spry at her own game. I was happy about that, of course, but at the same time what good was it to have my daughter once again but at the same time not be able to provide so much as a decent meal for her? At least as a succubus, I’d been able to keep her fed.

  I put my head in my hands and cursed Sarah Goodswain until I no longer had the energy to do so.

  Chapter Twelve

  After I put the girls to bed, I came downstairs and found William sitting on my couch. He’d loosened his tie and unfastened the top button on his shirt and sat with his feet propped up and the remote in his hand. Drinking Tea curled on his lap. When he saw me, he turned off the TV. “I need a drink.”

  I realized that I wasn’t the only one who’d been having a rough day. Not only were William’s clothes rumpled and his hair a mess, but he wasn’t in full glamour mode. His face was sallow and the flesh pouched beneath his eyes. He looked like he was trying to find the last safe place on earth.

  “Did Miss Spry steal your demon, too,” I asked.

  He lifted his eyebrows. “So it’s true? You’re back to being human?”

  I nodded.

  He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, that’s just grand.” He laughed bitterly. “Helen, you really have turned torture into an art form.”

  I patted his shoulder, surprised that he would take the news so hard. “I’ll get you that drink.”

  I don’t keep alcohol around because of Ari, but I figured Jas had a stash. Sure enough, within five minutes, I’d uncovered a nearly-empty bottle of vodka stuck inside a giant bag of peas at the back of the freezer, a place that Ari would never, ever look. I poured it into a plastic stadium cup, added some of the watery Tang that had been sitting too long in the fridge, and brought it into the living room.

  William accepted it, drank a small bit, and made a face. “Ugh. It’s dreadful.” He moved aside to let me sit next to him on the couch, took another swallow, and grimaced again.

  “I suppose I should be toasting my new freedom.” I held out my hand for the cup.

  He gave it to me. “You don’t sound very happy about it.”

  “Oh, I am.” I drank some of the ersatz screwdriver and shuddered. He was right; it was awful. But it did leave a nice, warm glow in my stomach, so I drank more. “But I’ve realized that my human life isn’t so wonderful. In fact, it pretty much sucks. Not that I plan to go back to Miss Spry,” I quickly added.

  I took another swallow. “So what’s your story? You look like you just lost your last friend.”

  He took the cup from my hands, drinking the rest of the it down and setting it on the end table. “Miss Spry has given me an exceptionally difficult assignment.”

  “Do tell,” I said. Not because I really cared about William Darcy’s bad day, mind you, but because I wanted someone to be as miserable as I was.

  He didn’t reply, but instead sat looking like a dejected puppy. My William Darcy, my lovely, arrogant, intoxicating fantasy, was in need of comfort. I slid closer to him and ran my hand down his arm, feeling his bicep tighten under my fingers. I wanted to kiss away the frown lines around his eyes. Bring him upstairs and soothe his pain. And probably mine as well.

  He sighed. “Oh, Lilith, you have such a kind heart. I knew you’d understand.” Very gently, he took my chin in his hand and tilted it up. Closing my eyes, I leaned closer. His lips brushed against mine, and his arm slipped around my waist. “I’ve known from the day I met you that you were the perfect woman for me.”

  As he kissed me, he used his free hand to stroke those sensitive areas that most men ignore: the inside of my elbow, the back of my neck, the base of my throat. When these places lit up, the spots where I really wanted him to touch me grew molten.

  I lay back on the couch, and with agonizing slowness, he unbuttoned my blouse. He wasn’t a lust-ridden boy who wanted to get into my pants. No, he was a gentleman who wanted to please me as much as possible. I twined my fingers in his thick hair and arched my back as he slowly traced the waistline of my jeans. I’d never had a man pay such careful attention to me, and after all that had happened that day, it was heavenly.

  He nuzzled the spot below my ear. “I want us to always be together.” It was the very speech I’d been scripting in my head since we’d met. “Lilith, you’re perfect.”

  I opened my eyes when he stopped kissing me and looked at him. His arrogance was gone, replaced with a humble sincerity. “But there’s one thing keeping us apart.” He’d been caressing that delicious spot between my legs, but now he pulled his hand away making me groan in frustration.

  Desperate for more attention, I tried to guide his hand back to where it had been. “What?”

  “I can’t become involved with a woman like you.” He raised his sad eyes upwards. “With a child, that is.”

  For a minute, I had no idea what he was talking about. Then it dawned on me. “Grace?”

  He nodded. “It would never work. I need you all to myself. No distractions.”

  I started to protest, but he kissed me again, sending a bolt of lightning from my lips to the soles of my feet. His hands picked up where they’d left off, unfastening my jeans and sliding them over my hips. “Please, Lil,” he begged. “Promise me that it will be only the two of us.”

  I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving me. “All right. I promise.”

  He tensed for a moment, then relaxed. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” I’d started to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, too, and when that became too frustrating, I simply yanked it apart, sending a few buttons flying across the room. There was nothing I’d ever wanted more in my life than this rapturous moment with him.

  He pressed something hard into my hand. My cell phone. “Call your ex-husband right now.” He murmured into my ear, sending tiny shockwaves down my spine. “Tell him to come get your daughter. That you’re turning over custody to him.”

  “Not now,” I begged, but he was insistent. He sat up, refusing to continue our lovemaking.

  Dazed, I pressed the speed dial number on my phone and in a moment heard Ted’s voice.

  “Hello,” I said. “It’s Lilith.”

  “Have you been jogging,” he said. “You sound out of breath.”

  “No, not jogging.” I smiled at William who took my hand and kissed it. “Ted, I need you…”

  “I’m glad you called. My mother and I have been talking, and we think it’s time for Grace to begin studying for her exams.”

  I sat up a little straighter. “What exams? She’s eight.” William slipped to the end of the couch and very expertly began rubbing my right foot. I closed my eyes and sighed. “Never mind. I need you to…”

  “Placement exams, Lil. I know that college is a few years off, but if Grace appli
es herself, she can test out of fourth and fifth grade. Adelaide and I think she could start high school as soon as she turns twelve. Maybe even eleven.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I yanked my foot away from William and stood up. “Ted, Grace doesn’t need to be in high school when she’s eleven. She’s fine where she is.” William tried to put his arms around me, but I shooed him away. Right then, I wasn’t in the mood for one more man trying to get me to do what he wanted.

  And then something inside me went off like a shotgun blast.

  I shut my phone without saying good-bye to my ex, then turned on William, shoving him away so hard that he fell to the ground with a thud. “You bastard! You lying bastard!” No wonder his words had seemed to follow the script in my head; his seducing demon had been giving me exactly what I wanted.

  I flung a pillow at his head, but he deflected it. Ariel’s math book, however, caught him square in the jaw. “You prick! I’m your victim for tonight, aren’t I? I’m the difficult assignment! Miss Spry wanted you to convince me to leave Grace!” Without my succubus to insulate me, I had been at the mercy of William’s seductive demon. No wonder humans fell at our feet. We were nearly irresistible.

  I threw everything within reach. The empty stadium cup bounced harmlessly off his shoulder, but the TV remote struck him under the eye.

  “Stop!” He was now as angry as I. Breathing hard, he pinned me to the couch, holding my wrists tightly above my head. And, at that moment, if he’d kissed me passionately and ripped off my blouse I might have let him ravish me like a heroine in a trashy romance. But – and I remain grateful to him for this – he didn’t. Instead, he said, “I was only following Miss Spry’s orders.”

  Miss Spry! God, how I hated that bitch.

  He let go and sat back on the couch, looking genuinely sorry for what he’d done. But I wasn’t about to forgive him. After all, he was an incubus – a monster designed to seduce women. Who knew when he was acting and when he was genuine? I wasn’t about to take any chances.

  With as much dignity as I could muster, I fastened the buttons on my blouse and zipped up my pants. “Get out. Right now.” I’d never been so humiliated. So cruelly used.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Go to hell!”

  He laughed bitterly. “I’m already there, remember?”

  “So go back.” It had been bad to have him seduce me, but it was worse having him watch me fall apart. I couldn’t bear his pitying look. I picked up the afghan that had fallen to the floor when we’d been lying on the couch and draped it around me. “Get out of my house, William. Right now.”

  I stormed into the kitchen to throw the vodka bottle away before Ari or Jasmine found it. I was furious at myself for being so stupid. I should have thrown William out of the apartment the minute I’d seen him. Instead, I’d been the easiest prey imaginable.

  As I passed the fridge, I noticed the calendar. Once again, this month’s annoying epitaph mocked me: God is right there when we need him most. Furious, I swiped the thing into the garbage.

  And then I had a second thought..

  I took the calendar from the trash, wiping pizza sauce off the picture. There was only one thing that Miss Spry hated and feared. If I had a chance at all, it would have to come from Him.

  It was time to change sides.

  I returned to the living room to find William still standing by the couch. “I need a favor.” And before he could say anything, I jabbed my finger at his chest. “And don’t you dare say no. You owe me for being such a prick tonight.”

  “I was acting on orders.”

  “Whatever. In my book, that’s still no excuse.”

  He shoved his hands into his pocket. His shoulders slumped. “What do you want?”

  “Show me how to get to heaven.”

  His eyebrows flew up. “No.”

  “No because you don’t know how. Or no because you’re afraid you’ll get into trouble.”

  “No because I don’t want anything to do with Him or His realm. He’s a bully, Lilith, no matter how much He tries to make people believe otherwise. He’s the reason you and I are where we are. Think about it,” he insisted when I looked doubtful. “It was His ministers, the Mathers, who imprisoned Sarah Goodswain in the first place. And it was His good Revered Landers who chased me right into the Devil’s arms.”

  He had a point, but I could see no alternative. Miss Spry wanted me one way or the other, and I knew that she would never give me up. Now that I’d resisted William, she’d send something else at me. “I know this isn’t a perfect plan, but He’s my last hope. Please, all I need you to do is show me how to get there.”

  Maybe it was seeing how adamant I was. Or maybe he really was ashamed for what he’d done to me, but William finally gave in. “Fine. But before I do, I want you to promise me something.”

  “What?”

  “When you get to heaven, I want you to find Charles Landers and tell him about me. Say that becoming the Devil’s servant has made me the happiest man alive.”

  I agreed, although – gauging from William’s haggard expression and the bleak desperation in his eyes – I knew it was a flat-out lie.

  As eager as I was to change sides, I couldn’t leave the girls on their own while I went to hunt down the ruler of Heaven. I didn’t want a repeat of the nose-piercing emergency.

  So, hoping, while at the same time expecting nothing, I called Jasmine.

  “What?”

  “Most people say, ‘hello’,” I told her. When she didn’t respond, I continued, “I need a favor.”

  She huffed in annoyance. “Just a second.” Within moments, she was standing in the living room. This is how disconnected my sister and I are: I hadn’t even realized she’d been in the basement. I’d thought she’d left the apartment after dinner. She wore a pair of old sweat pants and one of Tommy’s t-shirts. She had that dull-eyed, rumpled, just woke up look. Her hair was a mess, and there were even pillow creases on her cheek. She gave William a quick up-down, and said, “Who the hell is that?”

  Now Jas is a lot of things – irresponsible, tops the list. She’s also disorganized, fey and completely self-centered. But she’s never rude, especially not to men. I was also amazed that she could stand close enough to William Darcy to brush shoulders with him and not be overcome with lust or at least a mild interest.

  William, too, seemed perplexed. He moved a little closer to her and gave her a melt-your-heart smile that, even as furious as I was with him, pleasantly tweaked me. “William Darcy. Very nice to meet you.” He held out his hand. Jasmine deigned to touch it with the tips of her fingers, but she didn’t even smile or give her name in return. He looked crushed.

  “Are you feeling okay?” It was the only thing I could think of that would keep Jas home on a Friday night.

  “Fine.” The word snapped from her mouth like a small firecracker. “Look, Lil, what do you need?”

  “I was hoping you’d stay with the girls for a while. I need to leave, but it should only take a half hour or so. Are you going to be home?”

  She glared at me. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere?”

  I wanted to ask her what was up, but I could feel William growing restless. Apparently, he found being in the same room with a woman who wasn’t falling all over him discomfiting. He picked up his coat that had been hanging over the stair rail and opened the front door a crack. “Ready?”

  “A few minutes, okay Jas? Then I’ll be back, and you can go on with your Friday night.”

  Jasmine flung herself onto the couch and draped one arm over her face in a gesture so theatric that William snorted in amusement. “I’m not going out tonight,” she said. “Maybe not ever again!”

  Guy trouble. I should have known. This was the only other thing that could keep Jas home on a Friday night. “I’m so sorry, Honey.” I patted her leg. “We’ll talk about it when I get home. I promise.”

  “It’s Tommy,” she said, as if I hadn’t spoken. “He found a really c
heap flight overseas and is leaving on Monday. In fact, he’s saying good-bye to his family right now.”

  My heart wilted at the news. Despite how crowded the townhouse had become, I’d come to enjoy his company a great deal. But I also knew how much the trip meant to him. It was his life’s goal. “I’ll miss him too, but I’m sure he’ll stay in touch.”

  “Oh, Lil,” she wailed. “I can’t bear to be without him. Not for a whole year!”

  “You kept telling me that you were only friends, remember?”

  “I know what I said. But that was mostly because he wanted it that way.” She sat up, hugging a pillow. “The celibacy thing is the whole problem. If he was sleeping with me, he’d never leave that’s for damn sure.” She looked squarely at William as if expecting him to disagree.

  I pressed my fingertips to my forehead. “I swear, we can talk about this when I get home, but right now, I really have to go.”

  Jasmine put the pillow over her face and flopped forward on the couch. “Whatever. I don’t care.”

  “Maybe I could talk to him.” William shut the door and came further into the room. “Sort of man-to-man if you will. Maybe I could get him to see that leaving a beautiful woman such as yourself would be a terrible idea.”

  I sure as hell didn’t feel like watching the man I’d thrown myself at moments before put the moves on my stepsister. “I thought we had to go,” I said. This time, I was the one who opened the door.

  William ignored me and touched Jasmine’s shoulder. “I’d be happy to do that for you if you’d like.”

  She lifted her head and looked up at him in startled amazement, taking in his soulful eyes and the strong lines of his jaw. Then her expression hardened. “Dude, I hardly know you.”